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The current period signifies a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a widespread assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the words gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is inquisitive or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal quirks indicating a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your choice to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately shut down any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet act.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {