Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's prominent comedians spent the broadcast mocking President Donald Trump's just launched immigration initiative, called the "golden visa," portraying it as a obvious pay-for-access arrangement for the rich.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday song targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... destroys each thing he touches."

Colbert's target was the new program that allows foreign nationals to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" tier for 5 million. An official website pledges processing "in record time."

"A brief note here to wealthy immigrants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses looking to hire foreign workers, requiring large fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best screening the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll numbers amid economic worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.